The Worst Feeling in the World
by xcountrygurlx
Summary: Aria is spending the summer with her friends at the beach. She is supposed to be having the summer of her life, but an illness keeps her from enjoying most of it. She's slowly dying and if no one saves her, she won't even be alive for next summer
1. Chapter 1

The Worst Feeling in the World

**Ezra's P.O.V.**

I sighed as I heard her get out of bed. This had become a routine this summer. Every night, she would wake at two in the morning and go run. It seemed like that was all she did anymore. Most mornings she would sneak back into bed around four, hoping that I wouldn't notice her absence. I did though, every night. She was in a downward spiral while we were supposed to be having the summer of our lives. It's not every summer that we have the opportunity to spend the entire summer at the beach with our friends. But she isn't; therefore, I'm not. She seemed to be getting better around graduation, but once summer started she relapsed. She didn't want anyone to know, but everyone did. I was running out of options. I don't know what to do anymore. She won't listen to me, or anyone for that matter. I let her leave though, as I did every night. If I confronted her, she would just lie and say she was going to the bathroom and to go back to sleep. Or she would pick a fight. That was too risky with her being at such a fragile state now. I wouldn't be able to sleep until she climbed back into bed and I could wrap my arms around her shrinking frame.

I shook my head, hoping she would see my disapproving feelings about this. I want to help, but she won't let me. You can't abandon a recovering anorexic in the state they're in, even if she was no longer recovering. I don't know what else to do though. She's killing herself and she knows it. And that makes me hate myself for not being able to save her.

**Aria's P.O.V.**

I ran until my legs were shaking so bad that I couldn't stand it anymore. I was on the verge of collapsing, and I didn't want to push my limits since I was out at three in the morning on the beach by myself. I sat in the sand in my spandex shorts and sports bra. I pulled my headphones out and observed the abandoned beach. The waves were too far away to lap over my toes, which was probably a good thing. The fifty feet between the water and myself was my saving grace. Those fifty feet were what kept me from going over the edge. A shiver went down my spine as the ocean breeze crawled through my body. I know I'm a failure at recovery. I want to look normal again; I want to gain weight. But I can't. My body physically can't handle it anymore. I don't want to lose weight, which is confusing for most people. They don't understand that I _want _to get better. I _want_ people to stop looking at me with pity. I _want_ Ezra to trust me again. I _want _everything to go back to normal. But it won't, at least not anytime soon. I could feel my body shutting down, resisting the urge to succumb to my disease. But slowly, without me really even noticing, it was. And I _hated_ it.

After I cooled down, I warmed back up. I took another run down the other side of the beach. By the time I arrived back at the beach house, which Caleb's mom had loaned to us for the summer, the sky was starting to lighten. I checked the time on my iPhone, 5:37. I walked to the porch and grabbed my sweatshirt that I brought out when I left hours earlier. I slipped it over my slim frame and walked out onto the pier. I watched the sun rise over to ocean. I heard footsteps behind me a few minutes later, but I didn't turn around.

"You know you have to stop right? It's killing him. It's hurting us all." The voice said the owner's body sat down beside her. A mug filled with coffee was offered to her, and she accepted. Coffee was her weakness.

"I know, but I can't. It's the worst feeling in the world. Knowing you're hurting everyone around you, but feeling like you can't control it. That's how I feel. I want it to stop. I'm scared. I'm really, really scared buddy." I said, not moving my eyes from the water. My voice was monotone; I didn't have the energy to waste my breath.

"Ar, we care about you more than you will ever know. We can't help you though unless you let us. We only have a month left of summer before we all leave for college. I think you're going to regret it if you don't embrace every minute of it." Caleb said, wrapping a blanket around her body.

"I know that, but I've just got to convince myself that the rewards will outweigh the pain that comes with recovery. I'll get there." I lied. Maybe I won't get there, but for his sake, I would lie.

"What're you doing awake anyway?" I tried to change the subject.

"Do you know how hard it is to sleep with you getting up every morning at 2, Ezra huffing and puffing and tossing and turning until you get back, and in addition to that, Hanna snores like a madman," I chuckled at that part. He was right, Hanna snored like there was no tomorrow, but I never really thought about how my nightly routine affected everyone else in the house.

"Sorry about that, I'm trying."

"We know you are hun." Caleb put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. Caleb and I had really gotten closer this summer. He was probably my best guy friend, besides Ezra of course, but he was my best friend overall. We watched the sunset and drank our coffee in silence until the sun was well up in the sky. I checked my phone, 7:17. We headed inside, knowing everyone else would start to wake up soon. Before we reached the house though, Caleb pulled my arm.

"You know there isn't a better day to start than the present." He winked at me. Maybe he was right. Maybe I could do this without having to go back to that place. Radley made me want to keep starving myself, that's how much I hated it. I nodded at Caleb and went inside. I poured myself another cup of coffee and grabbed the paper. I liked being the first one up so I could read the paper first. If I woke up last, I would have to wait for hours until I could read the paper. Ezra, Spencer, Toby, Paige, Emily, and I all read the paper when we wake up, so it's quite an argument every morning. Caleb was making himself an omelet and he offered me one. I contemplated it for a second; if I said yes, then I would feel guilty for eating, if I said no, then it would seem like I wasn't even trying. I nodded my head yes; I was feeling adventurous today.

A few minutes later, my omelet was ready and I moved to the breakfast bar to eat it. I poured myself a small glass of orange juice to have with it. I took the first bite, which was always the hardest. It felt good to eat again. The feeling of having something in my stomach again made me feel real. Like I was an actual person and not just a body. I could only finish half of it, and I took a few sips of my orange juice before I felt full. My stomach shrunk so I couldn't hold as much anymore as I used to. Caleb smiled as he took my plate away. That made me feel better about myself.

"Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"I want to get better, but I'm going to need your help. And I don't want anyone else to know. I want them to know I'm serious about getting better this time. I want them to see me when I'm completely healed. And you know my habits better than anyone except Ezra. So help me, whenever you see me heading downhill, stop me. Do whatever you possibly can to stop me, even if it includes locking me in a room or something weird." I laughed at the last part. I wanted to surprise Ezra by getting better without him having to take care of me for once.

"For sure. We're all here to help though Ar." I smiled, knowing he was right. We stopped our conversation when we heard someone coming down the stairs. It was Spencer and Toby. Caleb offered them omelets and they agreed. Spencer stole the morning paper from me, but that was okay, I was basically finished anyway. I already felt more energetic than most days. I would just need to stay distracted today, that would be the first step. We had a casual conversation the four of us when we heard Paige come downstairs. Hanna and Ezra would most likely be the last ones to wake up, like every morning. I debated sitting here or getting a shower. I decided to not shower, since I really wanted to go to the beach. About forty minutes later, I was on my fourth cup of coffee, Ezra clambered down the stairs, still half asleep. I smiled when he raised his arm to scratch his back and his shirt lifted up, giving me the perfect view of his v-shaped stomach. His pajama pants sat low on his hips, showing the perfect amount of skin. He saw me first and sighed. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and greeted me with a kiss on the forehead.

"Morning." He said in his sexy just-woke-up voice. He had his glasses on, which I thought was the biggest turn on.

"Morning," I replied, grabbing his hand in mine. He grabbed a bowl and poured cinnamon life in it. He snagged the chair next to me and ate his cereal.

"So what do you want to do today?" He asked me, probably expecting me to say nothing.

"Let's go to the beach."

"Really?"

"I mean yeah, it's right outside the house, so why not utilize the freedom, you know?" I said much to his surprise. He was excited, I could tell. After he ate, we got ready for the beach around eleven. He was ready much quicker than I was, so he went downstairs to wait with the rest of the guys. I put my bathing suit on, which was something I hated. I knew I looked disgustingly skinny. My ribs were showing, my spine showed and my thigh gap was bigger than it had ever been. My bathing suit barely fit my body; it hung off of me.

**Ezra's P.O.V. **

I sauntered down the stairs in my bathing suit and a t-shirt, with my sandals in my hands. I received my towel from the back porch and sat with the rest of the guys on the deck.

"So what time did Aria call it quits this morning?" Toby asked me, knowing not to bring it up around her.

"She never made it back this morning, so I'm not quite sure."

"I went out around 5:40 and she was sitting on the pier, she didn't run too long I don't think. But, we watched the sun come up, and we talked. She's really trying. I know it doesn't seem like it, but she is. She ate this morning." Caleb offered, which surprised me.

"Really?" Caleb nodded and told me what she had. I was proud of her for trying at least. I sighed, wondering what was taking her so long. The thought flickered through my mind that she was having difficulties. I went back up the stairs to get her. I knocked lightly before opening the door, not waiting for her response.

"Hey beautiful, ready to go yet?" I leaned my head in to see her looking at herself in the mirror.

"Uh, yeah, just about." She fluttered around, wiping her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I stepped farther into the room, already knowing the answer.

"Nothing, I'm fine, I promise." She put a smile on her face and reassured him.

"Okay, but just so you know, you look gorgeous. You are the most beautiful girl in the world, and I cannot wait to spend all of next year with you in New York. I love you." I tilted her head up, so she was looking at me. I placed a kiss on her lips and squeezed her hand. She smiled thankfully. We both descended down the stairs to see the rest of the group waiting for us. We left through the backdoor and our first step off of the porch was onto the sand. We walked a mere fifty feet to our designated spots. This section of the beach was private, so there was no one else within our view. That was nice, we could do whatever we wanted. Aria wanted to get some sun before going in the water, which I thought might be good for her. We had been here for a month and a half and she was still so pale. She had only been to the beach a handful of times this summer, so I was glad to see her coming out. Us guys went into the water almost immediately. Toby had taught us all to surf this summer, so we spent a lot of time doing that. About an hour and a half later I saw Aria approach the waterline. I went in, taking my surfboard with me. I put it down in the sand, promising her that I would be right back. Instead, I put it down and ran back to where she was standing with her back towards me. I lifted her up with little to no effort at all and threw her over my shoulder. She shrieked as I ran into the water. She was screaming and laughing the whole way there. When I had finally run deep enough into the water, I threw her back over my shoulder into the warm waters of South Carolina. She popped up from the water a few seconds later with a huge smile on her face.

"I can't believe you did that!" She jumped into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist.

"Well you better get used to it. I like having you out here!" I told her and she smiled.

"I kind of like being out here." She kissed me powerfully. I haven't gotten a kiss like that in a while and I was so glad to have it. I could already tell a difference in her behavior. I kissed her back and she slipped her tongue in my mouth. I did the same as she tightened her legs around my body. I groaned because I had missed her so much. Not just her body, but her in general. I really wouldn't be able to stop if we went any farther.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, we really need to stop or we're going to have to an issue." I smirked as I glanced downwards. She knew what I meant with my eyes gestures.

"Well I've had a long day already, I hate to ruin our good day, but I think I need a nap." She told me. I understood, of course she would. She's been up since two and she's run probably ten miles and has been way more active than she normally is. I nodded and led her back to our towels.

"We're going to head in, this one needs her nap." I joked as I gathered our things. Everyone nodded saying they would be back by 5 at the latest. It was only around 2 now, so Aria could get a nice nap in. I don't know what I'm going to do, but that's oaky, I would do anything to make her happy. We put our towels back on the porch to dry and I followed her up to the room that we had claimed for the summer.

"I'm going to take a shower while you nap, so if you need me, come get me. "

"Don't take a shower now if we're just going to get dirty later." She said in a tone that I hadn't heard in months. I turned around and saw that she had a seductive look on her face.

"So there's no nap…" I trailed off.

"Oh no baby, there's no nap." She laughed as I crawled on top of her.


	2. Chapter 2

The Worst Feeling in the World

**Hanna's P.O.V.**

Around 2:30 I started to get hungry, so we all decided to go grab a sandwich inside and come back to the beach after we ate. I led the group across the porch and into the screened-in portion of the deck.

"Don't forget guys, Aria is sleeping so we have to be quiet." Spencer reminded everyone as we tiptoed into the house. We neared the kitchen and I took the things out of the refrigerator to make sandwiches. Everyone was quiet, trying not to disturb Aria, but I think we were all a bit more disturbed at what we heard. Let's just say, they definitely thought they were alone in the house. The six of us in the kitchen sat in awkward silence for a second before we all started giggling.

"We should leave guys, this is really something we don't need to hear." Toby insisted, so I took all of the lunchmeat, cheese, and bread to the table outside on the porch where we couldn't hear the couple having sex.

"They're never going to live that down." Emily laughed so hard she was almost in tears.

"Hey, I'm just glad they're doing it again." I shrugged my shoulders, hoping this was a sign that things were returning to normal for her. But what even was normal for her anymore?

"Tel me about it. Did you see how skinny she looked today? I felt like I could see all her bones." Emily sighed, trying to keep the conversation quiet so Ezra and Aria didn't hear them.

"I saw, I tried not to look, but I had to. It's like a train wreck, you want to look away so bad because you know people are going to be hurt, but you have to watch to see if anyone's okay. It's gotten really bad guys." Toby chimed in, knowing now was one of their only chances to talk about it without Ezra or Aria around.

"And Ezra has resorted to just ignoring it." Spencer huffed, feeling like they had no other options for their friend.

"He's not ignoring it Spence, he just doesn't know what to do. He tries talking to her about it and she goes full on ballistic. He ignores it and she gets worse. He tells her she's beautiful everyday and she just can't hear it. She has to want it for herself for something to really change, but I think that's coming soon. I really do," Caleb added on, defending Ezra and Aria.

"I just don't get it, she was so pretty before all of this started. Now she's barely skin and bones. Soon she's just going to disappear," Paige questioned.

"Yeah. We're basically helping our friend waste away to nothing by not doing anything," Spencer said, knowing that someone would have to say something to that.

"We aren't helping her kill herself, we aren't saying 'you're fat, starve yourself.' If we tell her that she has to get better otherwise we aren't going to be friends anymore, how do you think that will make her feel? She'll feel even worse about herself, trust me, I've been there once and it will just make things worse Spence," I snapped back at Spencer.

"But you were never this bad Han! You were trying to lose weight, she's trying to kill herself!" Spencer spat back, both of us frustrated with the other and this whole situation. We all finished lunch in relative silence and headed back down to the beach.

**Ezra's P.O.V.**

I rolled over and looked at the clock, which read 3:45. I had just woken up from Aria's and my "nap." I turned my head to see her beautiful face, which was resting on the pillow next to mine, even though the rest of her body was snuggled up to mine. The bags under her eyes were darker than ever, and the skin around her face seemed to droop. Her hair was dry and limp. Her skin was so pale that she was beginning to look like a ghost. And if she kept up what she was doing, soon she would be. Today had been great though; I just felt that I had to be so gentle with her now. She was too little now and I could break her at any minute, especially doing the activities we were doing earlier. My attention was drawn to her bare, exposed wrists. I wrapped my thumb and index finger around her wrist to see if I could reach all the way around her wrist. I wasn't very surprised when my fingers touched with no issues, and that there was extra space too.

"God, Aria, when are you going to stop doing this to yourself?" I sighed, even though she was asleep. I was overcome with sadness all of a sudden. Aria was dying, and if I couldn't do anything about it than I would lose her for good. I let go of her eerily small body and climbed out of bed and headed for the shower.

She was still asleep when I got out, so I got dressed in the bathroom, as not to wake her, and went downstairs towards the kitchen. Everyone was back now and they were chatting in the living room. I walked in to see what they were doing and was greeted by a rowdy group.

"Well well, look who it is. Have a nice nap I presume?" Spencer teased me, but I was a bit confused.

"Yeah, it was great, why do you ask?" I took a seat on one of the couches in front of the TV that had a baseball game on.

"Let's just say we're all pretty sure there wasn't much napping involved." Toby joked while he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Everyone else laughed while I blushed.

"That wasn't what you think-" I started, only to be interrupted by Hanna.

"Oh, so Aria screams like that on a normal basis?" I blushed even more.

"Don't even try to deny it, I embrace it." Caleb said, mentioning his and Hanna's sex life, which was discussed often, too often for my liking anyway. I just smiled. It felt good to have Aria back again, at least in that sense, even if she wasn't totally emotionally back.

"Alright, but she is napping, so unless you want to wake her, I suggest you quiet down." I winked at the girls who were yelling back and forth. We all knew how much Aria hated it when someone woke her up. We made dinner together and then I went to get Aria when it was ready. We were having grilled chicken and corn on the cob, with a salad.

"Baby, it's time to get up now, it's dinner time." I squatted down so my head was level with hers. I ran my hand over her hair to wake her. She didn't open her eyes, but she did acknowledge me.

"I don't feel great, do I have to?" She asked me. She sounded so weak again.

"You know I can't force you to do anything Aria, but you do have to eat. You don't feel well because you aren't eating. You haven't eaten since seven this morning. Come on down, everyone wants to see you." I said quietly, hoping she wouldn't have a meltdown after I said that. She just nodded her head and started to get out of bed. She threw my t-shirt on from earlier and asked for me to throw her a pair of shorts that were on the floor near me. I picked them up and couldn't help but look at the tag. They were size 00 and they still seemed to sag on her hips. I threw them at her and she put them on and put her hair up in a bun. I lifted her over my shoulder and ran down the stairs. That was our thing, she always screamed to put her down, but I knew she secretly loved it. I delivered her to her spot at the table and she laughed the entire time. Her laugh was infectious. I was so glad to hear it again.

"Was that shirt your prize?" Hanna smirked and I reddened again.

"Hanna!"

"What do you mean?" Aria asked as she put a small bit of salad on her plate.

"You know, your prize for seducing Fitz yet again." This time it was Aria's turn to blush.

"How long were you guys in the house for?" She was suddenly embarrassed, knowing that sometimes she can get a bit…vocal.

"Long enough, trust me." Toby joked as everyone else sat down at the table. Aria buried her head into my shoulder. She was giggling, even though she was slightly embarrassed.

"After dinner I have to run to the hardware store in town, does anyone need anything?" Caleb offered.

"What are you doing that for?"

"Oh, I have to get something for the garage opener my mom asked me to fix."

"Can you run to the grocery store too? We're a little low on some stuff." Emily suggested.

"Alright, what does everyone want?" He pointed at Toby, who had a look on his face that he wanted something.

"Can you get some of those chips I like?" Toby asked to which Caleb nodded. He pointed to me next.

"Lucky charms."

"No problemo." He responded while his finger moved on to Aria, who didn't need anything. He looked at Emily.

"Bagels!"

"Sure, Paige?"

"A frozen pizza or two that we could have for dinner next week."

"That's a good idea! Han, need anything?"

"Yes I do! I need tampons, the ones I normally get."

"That's not happening." He said, as all the guys got shy quickly. None of us wanted to hear this conversation.

"Caleb, I need them and you're going out!"

"Yeah, but I'm not getting those! I don't even know which kind to get! Aren't there a million and a half different kinds?"

"I'll write it down specifically. I promise."

"Why don't you just come with me? I can go to the hardware store and you can go grocery shopping. They're like right next to each other anyway. The topic quickly changed, thank God, but I couldn't help but wonder about Aria. She hadn't needed any of that kind of stuff since before I can remember. It had to have been months at least. I started to get a little worried and remembered to look it up when she went to sleep tonight. After dinner, Toby and I did the dishes while Hanna and Caleb went to the store. The four other girls were out of the porch drinking wine and basking in the summer evening. While Aria was out back, I decided that this was my chance to look up what I had wanted to at dinner since it was really bothering me for some reason. I didn't even know what to type into Google. I decided on "eating disorder missing period" A bunch of results popped up within milliseconds. I clicked on the first one, and then the second one, and even the third one. It didn't take too long to get the overall message. When a woman is severely malnourished and underweight their period doesn't come because their body is trying to save as much energy as possible. I shook my head; nothing really surprised me anymore about her condition. I read more, knowing that I was only punishing myself for reading on. I read more posts on how women who suffer from eating disorders have trouble getting pregnant later in life, some women can't even have children due to an eating disorder in their teens. This was disheartening; I wanted Aria to have my children one day. A day far in the future, but someday. I shook it off, shutting my phone off. I slid it in my pocket and went out back to get Aria who was drinking a glass of white wine.

"Hey babe, do you want to go get ice cream? Or we could just go for a walk?" I offered, trying to get her out of the house.

"Sure!" She stood up from her seat on the porch and grabbed the sweatshirt I brought down for her. We walked along the beach for a few miles until we came across the ice cream shop. She didn't get anything, and I didn't expect her to. I got a small mint chocolate chip cone, knowing that she would have a few licks of mine.

"So you know this beach pretty well, huh?" I asked her, noting her night runs.

"I guess you could say that." I offered her a lick of my ice cream, knowing that it was her favorite. She obliged and took a big lick of it. When I realized that she would probably finish it if I didn't mention it. We walked hand in hand until we got back to the house and she finished the ice cream.

Caleb's P.O.V.

We arrived home from the store and I realized it was the perfect time to set up what I had bought at the hardware store. I had explained my idea to Hanna on the way, who thought it was a good idea and I let everyone else know about what I was installing. It was an alarm system so Aria couldn't leave in the middle of the night. I wasn't going to tell her, but I would let her figure it out on her own. Just as I finished putting it in, I heard the couple coming back inside. I smiled to myself. I was going to do whatever it took to keep that promise to Aria. She excused herself to use the bathroom when they got back inside. The rest of everyone was in the living room, picking a movie to watch. When I saw Aria leave, I followed her, not noticed by anyone. I heard her feet pad against the carpet. She went into her room and I knew she would emerge from her room in a few seconds with her toothbrush and then retreat to the bathroom. I was standing in the hallway waiting for her. The door opened again and I grabbed her.

"Aria, no. Don't do this!" I shook my head, signaling that I knew what she was going to do.

"Caleb, I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to the bathroom."

"No you're not Aria, don't you dare lie to me." She broke from my grip on her arm and started yelling.

"Caleb, mind your own business! Okay?"

"Aria, you asked me to do this! You asked me to help you!"

"I don't need your help!"

"So you think that doing this is getting better? You honestly think that this is the right thing to do?" I asked her, giving her an incredulous look. I was frustrated that she wasn't listening.

"Caleb let me make my own decisions!"

"Sorry, I can't do that." I yelled back at her. I was sure everyone had heard us arguing by now. She tried to shove her way past me to the bathroom. I blocked her and she started to hit me. I grabbed her arms and wrapped my arms around her. I held her until she stopped squirming and she started to sob. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs to see what was going on. I didn't turn around to see who it was; I just waved them away. She didn't need everyone being all worried. She just needed to calm down. She finally calmed down and I led her to her and Ezra's bedroom. I made sure she laid down in the bed and I sat outside the door until I knew she was asleep. I made sure I could hear her steady breathing before I went back down the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

The Worst Feeling in the World

**Omniscient P.O.V.**

Caleb knew as soon as he hit the bottom step he would be questioned about a multitude of things that he really didn't know how to explain. She made him promise to not tell their friends, but they all wanted to know so badly if she was okay, especially Ezra. He could see it in his eyes.

"What in the world happened up there? We're trying to pick out a movie and then all of a sudden you two are up there screaming at each other about God knows what?" Spencer started.

"It's just, I promised Aria something and I was keeping that promise, even if she didn't agree with me in the moment."

"What did you promise her?" Ezra asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice. What was Aria talking to him about that she couldn't tell him?

"I don't know if I should, it's a personal thing right now and she doesn't want you guys to know yet."

"You're joking me right? We've been her best friends for years and you and her just met last year! That's no fair! Spill!" Hanna was all of a sudden jealous of her boyfriend's relationship with her best friend.

"I think that's the reason she made me promise her. Because you all know her and she's embarrassed about what's going on. She feels like you guys are going to think she's just insane, but just give her time."

"Are you being serious right now Caleb? We just want to help her, tell us!" Emily provoked. Caleb finally raised his hands in the air and silenced everyone.

"She wants to get better. She hates the way she looks now. She knows how you all look at her with pity and she hates it. She wants to look normal again, but she's been doing this for so long her body doesn't remember what it's like to eat anymore or to skip a day of ten-mile runs. Her body can't do that in a day, and if she tries she'll most likely go into septic shock. And then she really does die. Are you happy now? She's trying to get better for all of you and you all walk around like she can control this. She can't anymore. She went to the doctor a few days ago. I took her actually, so guess I'm a liar too then. Her kidney's and liver are failing. They wanted to put her on a feeding tube then and there but she said no. She didn't want any of you to know how serious this was because she didn't want to hurt you. She told me she wanted to do it by herself, here, at home, with you guys rather than being locked up in a mental hospital hooked up to machines. She told me not to tell you guys and made me promise her that I would do everything in my power to make sure she makes it to see the fall." Caleb was practically yelling at the group, but he didn't want to wake Aria. Everyone stood there stunned for a few seconds before the silence was broken.

"So that day that she went home to visit her parents, she was really with you, at the hospital?" Spencer questioned, making sure she had her facts straight.

"Yeah, she asked me to go with her. The doctor told her straight up if she didn't stop her body would just quit on her. Her body is beginning to shut down because she's so underweight and malnourished. They wanted to admit her to the hospital but she didn't want to. I told her that she was slowly killing herself and she told me she knew that. She doesn't want to die. She had to sign an AMA form, one of those that says I've seen the doctor, but I'm going to go against medical advice. But over the past week she has been trying so hard, for you guys to be proud of her. She doesn't want you guys to think she's suicidal, she got caught up in this disease and she can't get out. So I'm trying to help."

Ezra had a look of pure rage on his face right now. He was silent for a minute and then he erupted.

"They told her she's dying and you let her leave the hospital?! What's wrong with you man!"

"And that's why she didn't want you to go with her; because you would've made her stay. I told her that I wanted her to stay and that things would be fine if she stayed, but I also told her that I would respect whatever choice she made! You've seen how your relationship has been affected by her stubbornness to get help! I wasn't going to do that, and you can't be mad at me for that."

"You're right man, I'm sorry." Ezra backed off and sat on the couch with his head in his hands. The girls were in tears by now.

"So Aria's up there right now, and basically her body is shutting down?" Emily asked, her tears falling over her cheeks.

"It's touch and go. If she can get better before any kind of infection starts, then she should be fine, but if she does get sick, it will attack her immune system which will make it really hard for her to get better. I think when the doctor said that she got scared. She's really scared guys." Caleb was done sharing now, he had already said too much. There wasn't much else to share, but he didn't want to completely betray her trust. They all sat in the living room in silence pondering over what they had just learned. Ezra eventually got up from the couch and scaled the stairs without a word. He came down a few minutes later with athletic shorts on and his headphones. He left the house, still silent. Ezra ran when he wanted to think, or he wanted to forget. He was glad that she was trying to get better, but everything that Caleb had just shared scared him, and it hurt him. He has done everything in his power to make her see how beautiful she is, but she won't listen to him. What if something did happen to her? Then what does he do?

**Ezra's P.O.V.**

While on my run, I made a promise to myself, to Aria, and to God. I was going to do whatever it took to get her better, even if that meant that we couldn't be together anymore. I stopped on the beach exactly where Aria had sat not even 24 hours earlier. My eyes looked out into the water as I tried to regain his breath. The waves were my solstice from the world. The water had such an ominous feeling, much like how I felt my life had been like lately. It was dark and filled with secrets, and if you aren't careful, it can kill you. My heart was breaking, and I didn't want to break down in front of everyone, especially Aria. I need her to get better because I can't live without her. She is my everything and if I lose her, I'm pretty sure I would lose myself too. Part of me just wanted to wade out into the ocean and let it consume me. Take away all of these problems. I let myself cry for her for the first time all summer. It was so much easier the first time because she had been admitted to the hospital so she could get better, but this time she refused that. My mind flashed back to last fall.

_I was in the middle of teaching 4__th__ period when my computer beeped. I had an email, but I waited until five minutes before the bell rang to check it. It was from the principal to the whole staff and it said something about an accident with a student and all teachers with a fourth period would have to hold the students in their class until the ambulance was gone. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was too excited to see Aria fifth period. We couldn't really talk, but just looking at her was enough for me. She had looked awful though lately, she told me she had a cold and wasn't sleeping much, but that she was fine. She was so skinny too, and I was worried that her cold really was exhausting her, she had no energy anymore. About twenty minutes later we got an all-clear email that we could release our students for fifth period. Everyone was chatty with the gossip about whatever student was taken in the ambulance when the late bell rang. _

"_Alright, let me take attendance guys, no Noel today?" I looked around and everyone shook their heads. I continued and realized that Aria was gone too._

"_Has anybody seen Aria today?" I looked around and the students all started talking again._

"_Mr. Fitz, it was Aria that was taken in the ambulance!" Lucas informed me._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_That's why we had to stay in fourth period for so long, because we were in P.E. playing soccer and she was running and then stopped and tried to catch her breath, but she just collapsed. She was breathing, but she was unconscious. We watched the entire thing, the ambulance came and they put her in a neck brace and tried to wake her up, I don't think she did though. They strapped her to a backboard and took her to the hospital." One of my other students explained. I was really worried, but I had to keep my composure so it wouldn't seem suspicious. It's not like it's hot out today or anything that could have caused this._

"_Oh, well is she okay?" All my students looked at each other, none of them knowing anything for sure._

"_I heard that she's pregnant, and was doing too much physical activity." Mona said. My mind was going crazy right now, I almost choked. _

"_I heard that too, but she doesn't even have a boyfriend." Seth said._

"_So? You don't need a boyfriend to get pregnant." Another girl added. I was still speechless. She had been looking sick lately and was always tired, and her mood had ben crazy. She hasn't been eating much because she hasn't felt well, but that could be morning sickness. Now I was the one who felt faint._

"_Guys, let's not start rumors when there's no proof of anything, now let's start class." I needed to silence all of their incessant questions because it was only making me more worried. I gave them an assignment in their book and I took out my phone. I had a message from Ella that said to call her. I stepped outside the classroom and called her._

"_Ezra, I'm glad you called."_

"_What's going on? Is she okay?" I really didn't want to hear that I was going to be a father from my girlfriend's mom._

"_I think you should come down here."_

"_I'll be there soon." I hung up the phone. Why wouldn't Ella tell me over the phone? I went down to the office and told them that I had a family emergency and I needed to go home and someone to cover the rest of my classes. I left and went straight to the hospital. In the emergency room I immediately saw Byron, but not Ella. Byron didn't encourage our relationship, but he allowed it, so hopefully he would tell me what's going on._

"_Ezra." He stood up to greet me. He must have seen the worry in my eyes because he jumped right into it._

"_She's okay. But there's something we have to tell you."_

"_Okay, what is it?"_

"_The doctor told us that Aria was very malnourished. He categorized her as having an eating disorder. He said she was severely underweight."_

"_An eating disorder?" I was shocked, but relieved. People recover from eating disorders all the time. I never would have guessed that. Byron nodded._

"_That's not all, since she's 17, Ella and I decided that we're going to admit her to the hospital so she can get better. She'll be here for two weeks at least. Ella's in with her now, I saw her earlier, she's not in great shape. She's hooked up to a bunch of machines and she's crying. She's embarrassed I guess, she doesn't want anyone to know."_

"_Whatever she needs to get better, of course." I added. Then I saw Ella leave a room a few doors down. She approached us, her eyes were red from crying. _

"_Hey Ezra. Do you want to go see her?" She asked me, but I was a bit nervous. What do I say? I nodded anyway and headed to the door that Ella came out of. I shut the door behind me and I saw Aria, who had her eyes closed. She looked so tiny in that big bed. All of the pieces added up now, how could I have missed that? She opened her eyes when she heard me shut the door._

"_Hi." She whispered. She looked and sounded so weak. I gave her half a smile._

"_Hi." I walked closer to her bed. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't think I needed to say anything. I sat down on the bed and grabbed her hand, which was hooked up to an IV. She had a feeding tube up her nose. The look on her face showed that she was embarrassed, but she shouldn't be. I was scared, this had gotten this bad without anyone noticing. Her eyes darted to the wall. She was going to start crying. She rarely looked at me when she cried. _

"_Don't cry baby, there's no reason to cry." I said as I touched her hair._

"_I'm just embarrassed."_

"_Don't be. You're going to get better. I promise. You scared me so much." I said as I left my chair. I wrapped my arms around her body and hugged her. She cried for a long time and I tried to comfort her. She eventually settled down. _

"_So is everyone at school talking about it yet?" She had a joking tone in her voice._

"_Honestly, yeah, they are, but I'm sure they're all going to be relieved when they find out that the rumors aren't true."_

"_What are they saying?" I regretted saying this because you don't want to tell a girl with an eating disorder that people think she's pregnant._

"_Someone said that they heard you were pregnant because no one had seen you eat, so they all thought that it was morning sickness. I, for one, am glad that that rumor is not true." To my surprise she started laughing. I smiled back at her._

"_That couldn't be farther from the truth." I stayed with her for most of the night, but I had to leave so I could sleep for work tomorrow. I promised to visit her the next day though. I visited her every day for the next two weeks._

**Omniscient P.O.V.**

Back at the house, the group of six decided to call it a night without the movie. It didn't feel right anymore. Caleb didn't set the alarm because he knew Ezra would have to get back inside at some point, but he had been gone for awhile now. Around 1:30, Aria woke up and noticed that Ezra wasn't in bed yet. She put her hair in a ponytail and put on her clothes to go run in. I grabbed my headphones and was as quiet as I could be leaving the house. I left the porch and felt my feet hit the sand. I started my music and took a few steps before I saw someone sitting in the sand about 75 feet away. She could tell it was Ezra by looking at his bare back. She knew every inch of his body. She walked over it him and sat down next to him.

Ezra's P.O.V.

I was a bit startled when I heard someone behind me, but I quickly saw that it was Aria. She wasn't wearing a shirt, just a sports bra and I got another view of her stomach. It made me want to be sick seeing her like this.

"What're you doing?" She asked and sat beside me in the sand.

"I was running but that was hours ago. I've been out here for awhile."

"Doing what?"

"Thinking."

"About what?"

"You." I said monotone.

"What about me?"

"About how I can't stand to see you like this anymore, Ar. You're killing me over here with what you're doing. I want you to get better so you're yourself again. I hate seeing you hurting like this. And I don't know what to do anymore babe. I'm scared for you." I confessed. She wrapped her arm through mine and laid her head on my shoulder.

"I know." That's all she said. I was surprised she didn't make an argument out of it. I pulled her onto my lap.

"What can I do to help you?" I asked her. She took a moment to answer.

"I'm not sure. I'm not even sure what I do anymore. I hate this too. I want to beat it, I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough."

"Are you kidding me? You're the strongest person I know. And when you think you aren't strong enough to beat this, we're all here for you. Me, and everyone else, your parents too." Aria smiled a little.

"I know, and I'm working on getting better now, I'm really trying."

"I know you are, you did great today. I'm so proud of you." I told her as her eyes wandered to the ocean.

"Thanks." She didn't tear her eyes off of the ocean.

"What do you say we head to bed?" I asked, hoping she would agree and forget about her run. She didn't respond for a minute, but she pondered the suggestion in her head.

"Okay." She said reluctantly and I helped her up. We walked back to the house holding hands in the dark. I led her back upstairs to bed and I wrapped my arms tightly around her, not wanting to let her go for anything.


	4. Chapter 4

The Worst Feeling in the World

Ezra woke up in a position that he immensely missed. He hadn't woken up this way in a while. His arms were still wrapped around Aria. He buried his head into the crook of her neck and sighed. He didn't want to get up, he wanted to stay there forever. But, unfortunately, they had to get up. He glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand, which read 10:45. His stirring must have cause Aria to wake up.

"Good morning." She said in her tired voice that he loved so much. Right after she woke up or when she was really tired at night her voice dropped an octave and became raspy. She flipped her body over so she was facing him. She looked him up and down.

"You look so sexy in the morning." She whispered and smiled at him.

"Me? What're you talking about?" Ezra laughed and held her tighter. They giggled for a few minutes before Aria got up to shower. She gathered her towel and shower things and Ezra watched her traipse around the room before saying anything.

"You know, if you were worried about getting lonely in there, I could join you. You know, just so you don't get lonely or anything."

"As much as I would love that, we share a bathroom with Toby and Spencer. I don't think they'd be as okay with that as you are." She laughed as his suggestion.

"They don't have to know." He winked at her and got out of their queen-sized bed.

"Are you sure? We've already been publically humiliated because of our escapades yesterday."

"You think those two have never done that? You're joking right? I mean they're better than Caleb and Hanna, but still, they're all over each other. Come on, I've missed you." Ezra persuaded.

"Well if you insist." Aria winked and left the room. Ezra left the room a few minutes later so they didn't run into anyone in the hallway or anything. He got in the shower with her and realized that her color was coming back. That made him happy, and he definitely let her know that.

**Meanwhile downstairs…**

"How could they possibly still be asleep? It's almost 11!" Spencer was getting frustrated. She wanted to make sure that Aria was okay.

"Spence, let them sleep. God knows she could use it."

"Yeah I heard them come in around 2 last night. But they were in for the night then." Caleb added.

"What are you? The night patrol?" Hanna joked. He always knew when people were coming and going at night.

That night, the group of eight was going out for dinner at a nice place on the beach because it was Emily and Paige's last day at the house. They had to be at Stanford early because practice started the first day of August and they still had to pack all of their things at home. Their reservations were for 7, but knowing them, much to Spencer's dismay, they would be late. Probably because of Hanna too.

"Guys, I just realized that I have nothing to wear tonight!" Hanna exclaimed.

"You're joking right? You have about nine hundred outfits up there!" Caleb retorted.

"But nothing for this sort of occasion! What is everyone else wearing?"

"I'm not sure yet." Spencer looked up from her laptop as Hanna waited for everyone else's response.

"I'm wearing khaki shorts and a button up with-" Toby started before he was interrupted.

"Toby! I don't care what you're wearing, that doesn't help me!" Hanna was now in panic mode.

"Spence, we have to go shopping today, I need to get something new!" Just then Aria and Ezra came down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'll go! I need to get something too." Aria chimed in. Everyone was happy to see her willing to go out somewhere. Hanna asked everyone else if they wanted to go, but either they didn't want to go (the boys) or they had to pack (Emily and Paige).

"Alright, we'll leave in an hour. I'll drive." Spencer offered. Aria grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard, knowing everyone was secretly watching her to make sure she ate something at least. The girls changed out of their lounging around the house clothes to more appropriate clothes. They left on time surprisingly and drove to the mall, which was only about fifteen minutes from the house. They shopped for a good hour before Spencer and Hanna got hungry. Aria contemplated getting something; she did only eat about two hours ago, but it was only a granola bar. She took her chances and got a salad from Saladworks in the food court. The other girls got a salad too, so Aria felt good about herself. Aria realized that she forgot to get a fork, so she ran up to the desk and Hanna quickly snapped a picture on her phone of Aria's lunch.

"What are you doing?" Spencer questioned Hanna's weird actions.

"I'm sending this to Ezra, he likes the updates." Spencer rolled her eyes while Hanna shrugged her shoulders. Aria returned not even a minute later with her fork in her hand. Spencer had already purchased a dress for that evening, it was a light pink strapless dress that flowed out until her mid-thigh. Aria and Hanna were still shopping around for something to wear. By 2, Aria bought a bandage dress that was olive green and Hanna bought a maxi dress that had a summery pattern on it. The girls decided to get their nails done too.

"Aria, why do you keep playing with your hair? It's distracting!" Spencer asked her.

"My hair is gross, it's just so dry. I don't know how to fix it."

"I think there's a beauty place in here, we can search for like a hair mask?" Hanna offered, hoping that would boost her confidence. They agreed and went there after their nails were dry. They found what they were looking for and drove home. The guys were out surfing when they got home, so they took the opportunity to use the showers while they were free. When they were all showered, they put Aria's hair mask in and let it sit for a while. The guys came back, but Caleb was not allowed in his room or his bathroom. Since it was his mother's beach house, him and Hanna had the master bedroom and bathroom. But currently, all the girls were occupying it getting ready, so he was allowed to grab his clothes and go shower in Emily and Paige's shower since they had already showered. It was five and Hanna started to dry her hair. They rinsed Aria's hair mask out and Hanna blew dry her hair while Spencer did her makeup. By the time Hanna finished her hair and Spencer finished her makeup, Aria was surprised.

"I actually look normal again. I've got color, and my hair isn't dead anymore. Thank you guys!" Aria hugged her best friends.

"That's what we're here for!" Hanna laughed noticing how happy Aria was.

"But one more thing. Use this on your legs at least! You're blinding us with your whiteness." Spencer handed her instant self-tanner. Aria laughed and applied it to her legs, forearms, and chest. All they had to do was get dressed and they'd be ready. They went to their separate bedrooms and were ready to leave within the next twenty minutes. All of the guys and Emily and Paige were downstairs waiting for them and Spencer was the first to come down. Aria was next. Everyone watched as she descended the stairs. Ezra felt like the luckiest guy in the world because Aria looked like she used to. She was tan, she was dressed up, she was wearing her wedges, she looked beautiful.

"Ar, you look amazing." He said when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Thanks." She blushed, not liking the attention everyone was giving her. Hanna came running down the stairs a few minutes later.

"Sorry! I'm ready to go now!" And with that they were off. They took two cars, Toby drove himself, Spencer, Ezra, and Aria, and Caleb drove the rest of them. The restaurant was only a few blocks from the house they could have easily walked, but since everyone was dressed up, they opted to drive. They arrived right on time for their reservation and were seated almost immediately. Going out to dinner was always awkward for Aria. She felt pressured to order, but would always feel guilty about it. The group engaged in casual conversation until the waitress came to take their orders. When it was Aria's turn, she got a little shy because everyone was listening.

"I'll have the pan-seared lemon salmon please." Aria said and Ezra squeezed her hand under the table. They toasted to the summer and to being in the company of friends before they all went off to college, or to a new job in Ezra's case. Aria gulped down her white wine, she was a big fan of that. The great part about this restaurant was that it overlooked the ocean. The tables were actually in the sand. Aria finished her third glass of wine and Ezra joked that she was cut off. She used to be a pretty experienced drinker, but her condition makes her much more prone to alcohol than she used to be. When dinner was finished, the group departed for the house, but Ezra and Aria chose to walk back along the beach to the house. Aria removed her wedges that made her a good four inches taller, so she was back to being nine inches shorter than Ian. She held her shoes in her left hand and held Ezra's hand in her right. She was a little tipsy from her wine still and every couple of steps she would stumble and giggle. Ezra laughed at her having fun again, even if it came from inebriation.

"If you fall, you're going to be all sandy and ruin your dress." Ezra laughed as she stumbled again.

"If I fall, you're coming down with me." She teased. He smiled at her and held her hand even tighter.

"I don't think so." Ezra picked her up and hoisted her on his back.

"Ezraaaa, I have an idea." Aria whined.

"And what is that?"

"Let's go swimming!"

"Right now? You want to go swimming right now?" Ezra double-checked.

"Yes!"

"Ar, it's nine o'clock. It's dark out!"

"I don't care!" Aria scooched herself off of Ezra's back and ran towards the water. He chased her. Aria threw her shoes in the sand and ran until her feet were submerged in water.

"Aria, you don't have a bathing suit!" Ezra yelled a few feet behind her.

"So?" Aria removed her dress and was standing in just her bra and underwear. Ezra looked around the beach to make sure no one else was around, which they weren't. She removed the rest of her clothing and threw them in the sand with her clothes. The water warmed her legs. She heard Ezra call her name again. She kept giggling and going into deeper water until Ezra gave up and joined her. About 15 minutes later, they clambered out of the water and redressed. Most of their buzz had warn off after they were in the water, so they were mostly sober now. Ezra zipped up the back of Aria's dress and she put her hair up in a messy bun. Ezra put his khaki shorts back on and left his shirt unbuttoned. They walked about ten more minutes before they reached the beach house. They entered through the back door and found everyone sitting in the living room.

"What took you guys so long?" Spencer questioned.

"We went swimming!" Aria joked and went up to change her clothes. She pout her pajamas on and went downstairs with the rest of the group. She was surprised that she was still awake. They watched a movie and most of them fell asleep halfway through, Aria being one of them. Ezra carried her upstairs and put her to bed when the movie was over. He thought over the day and realized that Aria had eaten three meals. She hadn't only eaten all three meals, but she kept them down, she didn't throw them up. He smiled as he snuggled up to her body again for the second night in a row in a long time.


End file.
